Day 80 - Vientiane

Really need a detox day or two, and a solid night's sleep. Every morning my stomach's in bits, and I'm not well rested. This morning is very bad - a combo of cheap beer, vodka, and my chilli laced noodles last night. I'll be having some Immodium before the bus to VV later.

***

Woke up early yesterday, met Debbie and Adrian downstairs, and we made our way first to the Revolutionary Museum. The history of the founding of the Communist Party, the struggle for freedom - lots of portraits and random objects from people's houses: HCM's desk lamp, Nguyen's ink well, somebody's teacup. Bit odd really, but I suppose I'd be excited to see Michael Collins' favourite pen. Some propagandist art, and lots of references to the 'American Puppets' and the like. Last few rooms feature consumer products, which makes for an amusing contrast.

On to the history museum then, where they're trying to use up tickets, so everyone buys two tickets to enter. Bizarre. Museum is a little bland - prehistoric tools, lots of pottery, drums. The visit is quick, and rounded off with a cup of coffee before returning to the hostel for lunch. Say goodbye to Adrian, Lee and Debbie, but no Welsh girls. Taxi to the airport, and fly!

***

Arrive in Vientiane airport, and realise I've forgotten to pick up dollars for the visa, pay with my emergency kitty of Thai Baht. Must stock up on USD. Recongnise a guy from Hanoi, so we share a taxi. Cyril, French, living in San Fran, has been travelling for three years. Sounds like he's a bit of a dotcom millionaire. Also picked up Shannon, a Melbournian who's in Laos for a week to study forestry. She specialises in fire!

Followed Cyril to the Orchid guesthouse, and get a crap over-priced room with a fan. Met him for dinner, and he spoke about his work on RFIDs with HP, and his future work in enabling household devices to be remotely usable - smoke alarms that email or text on activation, etc. I got a random item from the menu, which turned out to be noodles with many, many chillies  Went for one beer afterwords, where a fight broke out outside.

One very drunk/stoned guy wanting a fight. His mate kept dragging him away, but he kept resisting, as his shirt went from ripped to gone. He disappeared then, but returned with a small knife, once more starting on a guy wearing glasses. Before he could do anything, three guys grabbed his head and arms. Glasses guy went to slam a chair over his head, but thankfully someone stopped him. Policeman appeared, and three soldiers, and one with an AK47. Suddenly he was sitting on the ground, handcuffed. Chances are he'll be deported.

Cyril got talking to two Laotians who were mostly Canadian. Incredible stories - they swam down the Mekong to escape the Communist regime. One aged eight, the other aged four on his parents' back. They invited us to The Future, a club full of Laotians. I brought two girls along too - Claire from Aberdeen, and Rachel from Reading. Left early enough with the girls - they went a little crazy outside around two wee kids - Claire telling the woman she was a mother so she could hold the baby. Made me uncomfortable with the drink on them. They invited me back to theirs for a joint, but I politely declined.

***

Woke up early this morning, out to see the sights of the city. It's a very European city - pedestrian crossings with lights and buttons, wide boulevards, and Western prices. Obviously all the government workers are well paid, and cause localised inflation. Visited Wat Si Saket, with its crumbling murals, climbed the Arc de Triomphe of Patuxai, and finished at Pha That Luang, a sacred stupa of national importance. Back for the bus, about four hours along some pretty badly surfaced roads, but saw an awesome sunset.

***

Vientiane turned into a non-quiet night, was hoping Vang Vieng could be instead. Off the bus, took a wander to find a hotel. Met an Irish girl called Niamh who recommended one place, but no dorms. First hostel was full. Second hostel charged more for a dorm than for a single, very odd. A French-leaning place caught my fancy - 13,000 kip for a room. Had initially thought that was €13, but realised it's actually €1.30. Has a fan, which is all that's needed really. Got talking to the owner on arrival, a French guy called Jeremy, already half-drunk at 7pm. He recommended Q-Bar and 'shrooms.

Grabbed dinner while watching Friends. It's so surreal - all the restaurants along the main strip show constant episodes of Friends. They resemble giant living rooms, hordes of people, sitting, half distracted, half zombified. Comfort television. Skype Nora, and make appointments with Andrea and Laura, but I am spotted from the street by a rather smashed Diana, who pounces on me. I interrupt the call, knowing that Nora would understand that real life takes precedence over Skype.

Came across Nat then, while on my way to remake my Skype calls. She's hanging with a guy called Willian who can't remember the name of his guesthouse, nor its location. D and Tori come by, and we head to Qbar. I meet Jay, Niamh, and the four Scottish girls from the bus - Kirsty, Karen, Laurie and Linda. Bump into Bobby (from Hué) as well.

Make friends with two Swiss girls - Francie and Tonya. They thought I might be Swiss too, and are from Basil. When the QBar closes, we all head to the Sunset Bar. The Swiss girls are more interested in the locals though, so I get chatting to a York couple - Karl and Amy - who are quite nice, though rather drunk. After a wee singsong around the fire, I decide to leave, coincidentally walking out at the same time as Team Swiss. Francie and I see a shooting star! Night!

Day 79 - Hanoi

Waiting at the airport for my flight to Vientiane. Delay of an hour just announced. Christmas jingles are playing, a surreal juxtaposition considering the heat outside.

***

Finally got going early on the 16th, off to see Ho Chi Minh himself, with Tess, Louise, Lachrissa, Lee and Debbie, after a lovely brekkie at the Intercontinental. Some odd queuing and walking, checking your bag, take your camera, check in your camera... Enter the mausoleum, walk in formation around Uncle Ho. He looks well - even the beard is well preserved. He is the most human looking of the 3 (including Lenin and Mao). After collecting our bags, we realise that all the museums nearby have already closed for lunch - at 11.30am!

Spot the whitey!

Wander around, past a lake, full of dead fish. Stop for some lunch and visit a bookshop. Pick up Günther Frass' Tin Drum. Tess and Louise split off then, and myself, Chrissa, Debbie and Lee went to see the Presidential Palace - featuring pleasant grounds, and the house of HCM, frozen in time from 1969. Meandered back to the hostel then, past Lenin park, where Vietnamese children were playing football, using mountain bikes as goalposts.

Squatting

One Pillar Pagoda

Picked up Ger, had a quick swim at the hotel, dinner in the hostel, and then some cards. We were joined by Lee, and Majella, an extremely talkative girl from Mayo. This girl could talk for Ireland, and probably for most of Europe too! A female Dave Fanning.

Sunset at the hotel

Bought a bottle of vodka then, and adjourned to the terrace to play Debbie's 'Captain Dickhead'. Jack is a rule card, whoever holds the Ace is Captain Dickhead (God) until the next Ace, and Queen reverses. Red means give that number of fingers/sips, black means take that number of drinks.

Lee holds the Ace for the majority of the game, until I slip one to Debbie so she can spice things up a bit more. A second bottle of vodka is required. Lee is soon asleep on the couch, and Ger and Debbie chat while I play Fußball with Majella. She's awful at it, and soon heads to bed. I doze on the couch, and am woken by Tom (who knows J&T, and the Welsh girls), and have a little chat with him and a girl with him, who works for an NGO. Wonder why they woke me, a little annoyed.

***

Ger's not in the mood for breakfast, so after I grab a quick shower, shave, and change, I head over. Nick some feta, and have a hearty helping of fruit and a personalised omelette. Leave Ger to check back in at the hostel.

Can't find Lee, so Debbie and I head out to the Temple of Literature, full of women in Ao Dai outfits, and tens of stelai. Each of these rests upon an individual turtle statue, whom we name Steve. Behind the temple, we manage to get an hour in the Museum of Fine Arts before it closes. Start walking in the vague direction of the hostel (which is some distance away), and stop for coffee. Have a great chat exchanging stories of the awful things we've done to people. Poor Robert Bradley. She cries laughing when I tell her about Brian Harvey running over himself. We hop on a mototaxi, squeezing on together, and arrive back to the hostel once more.

Steve!

Find Lee there, and leave him with Debbie. Spend my last night same as my first night, playing Beer Bingo. Adrian arrives, and we talk upstairs for a while, but my eyelids are drooping. Head to my room, chat briefly to a girl called Chelsea who's heading to Vang Vieng. Beautiful sleep.

Day 78 - Hanoi

Been a mad hectic couple of nights, and some lazy days. Night of the 15th was an unnecessarily quiet one, considering I did nought most of the day - utterly failed to go anywhere. Left the hotel for the hostel, had some lunch with Di, Nat and Tori, who then left for Laos later that day.

Then had lunch with Louise, Lachrissa and Tess in Gecko's - Jess had gone back to the UK that morning. Sat and chatted for a couple of hours about everything from musicals to Puppetry of the Penis. Back to the hotel then, picking up Ger along the way. Checked out the club lounge - free nibbles and drinks. very swanky, but no buzz in the place at all. Just honeymooners and businessmen. Chatted to an American gent called Steve for a bit, then back to the hostel for about pm. Met Scott and Ali, and Scott's sister Kelly there, they were back from their Halong Bay trip, and awaiting a train to Hoi An. Quick catch up - their tour sounded really nice, with better accommodation, and more opportunities to see the scenery. When they left, I rejoined Ger, Lee, and Lee's friend from Bangkok, Debbie. Came nowhere in the quiz, and adjourned to the fifth floor for some chatting and fußball. met a lad called Mark from Waterford. Charlotte wandered in and our, still looking for a light.

Myself and Mark were challenged to fußball by two English lads who reckoned they could beat us 10-0. Forfeit was dropping trousers. Game on! They were, however, phenomenally good, and super quick... we had our shorts around our ankles at the end of the game. Had to keep them down until we scored a goal, which only happened at the 8-0 mark. We celebrated like we'd won the world cup!

Our 'quiet night' ended around 3am, Ger was chatting away with Debbie - didn't want to interrupt, so chilled on the couch watching 'The Other Guys'.

Day 76 - Hanoi

Busy couple of days. Got back to the hostel on Sunday for happy hour - few beers, then a nap for an hour. Got up and met Jess and Tess for some scrabble. Fußball then, which suddenly got intense! Playing with Jake, Zoe, Jordan and J&T. A bottle of vodka was bought, and we went to the Bucket Bar across the road. The police arrived, and drove everyone out, even using a taser of one of the bar girls. We walked across the highway to the Lighthouse club to dance the night away.

Yesterday morning, myself, Less and J&T took the hostel's walking tour. Two Belgian girls also - Debbie was one, didn't get the other girl's name. Viet was our most excellent guide, showing us the various sights of the old quarter. The streets are each based on a trade - so one street is full of shops selling tin, another selling sweets, etc. One is 'paper offering' street, selling items to be burnt as a sacrifice - paper money, paper cars, paper iPhones... Saw the local market, and Hoan Kiem lake. Went to Hoa Lu prison then, and managed to hook up with Ger. Some really interesting photos of American soldiers kept in the prison during the war - even a shot of them enjoying Christmas dinner.

>

Inside Hoa Lu Prison - the "Hanoi Hilton"

Walked around the lake, and we were approached by a random Vietnamese dude - Ho. He asked to walk with us and practice his English. visited the Ngoc Son temple, on an island in the lake. Then Ho said he would bring us to a real Vietnamese place for food. We felt a scam approaching, but went along with it. Had some nice pork and beef, and then we tried some dog. The skin was crunchy, then a layer of fat, and then some tough meat. Not game-y, just a bit gristly. Chicken arrived with half of the head, and a foot. Tried each of those, but not much eating on them.

Board games in the temple

Mr Scammer and Lee

Dog

The bill amounted to a million VND - about €35. The string was the dog - should've checked the price before ordering, but a tenner each isn't so bad. Brought the chicken foot back to the hostel for fun and games. Happy hour again, cards with Lee, Ger and Diana (half-Spanish, half-American). Roped in some Americans - Stefan, Isaac, Jay and Emma, and had to buy a few new decks. The gang arrived then - J&T, Lachrissa, Louise, Nat, Tori, Jay, Zoe. Lots of drinks, then to the Market Bar for a dance-off with Lachrissa. Ended up sleeping in a spare bed in the hostel, Get went home early-ish to the hotel.

Came here [hotel] now, place is decadent! Had a shower, a bath, and another shower. My feet are in ribbons. Going to go off now and see what the day has in store! Not sure I can do a sixth night out in a row.

LOOK AT THEM

Day 74 - Halong Bay (bus)

Heading back to Hanoi after a second crazy night. Afternoon was really pleasant - took out a kayak with Bettina, a German girl, and paddled around a bit. Back for some rock climbing - got stuck about a metre from the top, slit my finger open, and the blood made everything slippy. Chilled on the pontoon for a while with the Danes - Tim, Magnus, Søren and Frederik. Very sound and fun guys. Just releaxed really - cards, swimming, watching the others playing beach volleyball. Dinner,then a couple of games of pyramid, then a giant game of 'Ride the Bus'.

The Danes broke out some crazy shirts. Jake had a firecracker in his arse. Søren passed out in the sand. Too many insane moments to recount. Hammock with the Welsh. Bristol Danny telling us a horrific secret [that should've been left secret!]. After the madness died away, we had some quiet tequila on the beach, and I got in a sneaky midnight swim. To bed to find Charlotte asleep there.

Day 73 - Castaway Island

Sitting on the beach on a small island in Halong Bay. Some of the group have gone kayaking, Lee's swimming somewhere (little worried), the rest of us are relaxing on the sand. I can hear the voices of the lads playing drinking games in one of the huts. Of course, on a party tour, there'll always be some people who never stop.

Two simultaneous games of Kings last night. New rules - Stephen Hawking card, troll card, and lots of clothes swapping. Ended up in two girls' dresses and Louise's underwear.

Wasn't as messy for me as I expected. Probably because someone nicked my last three drinks. Had a couple of good conversations, especially with Whitney and Lauren, both from Oregon. Night's low point was having the Bristol lad, Daniel, tell me that I was okay, even though all Irish Catholics are c**ts. He's under the impression that we're all in the IRA, and that the Catholics 'started it'. With all the drink consumed, I thought it wisest just to leave. Was up 'til 4am, slept on deck, waking to a clear blue sky.

Beach is idyllic. Tiny, remote, sleeping in huts. Paradise.

Day 72 - Halong Bay

Walked to the hostel yesterday - about 20mins, bit sweaty. Two nice Welsh girls in my dorm, and they persuade me to book the Halong Bay trip for the day after (today). BUmped into Lee in the hostel, and S&N arrived at 2pm for a lunch rendezvous. Catch up with them, they'd been in Halong Bay, and are off to Laos. Applied for a visa extension.

Planned for a quiet night, but Andy from Ninh Binh appeared in the bar, so had a beer with him. Then happy hour and cards. We were joined by a Chinese guy called Luan (?), and the Beer Bingo began, run by an Irish guy called Tom, from Stillorgan. Austrian girl called Meryl joined in as well.

Far too many shots, and we left the bar to get some cheap dinner. Barbecue was the solution, lots of burning oil. Didn't even remember that meal the next morning, only Lee bumped the memory. Left the others to find Ali & Scott. Couldn't find their hostel, but a cycle did a Google, and delivered me there. Got some Pho with them, exchanged travel stories and notes, and then a beer at their hostel. Stumbled home at 1am.

About ten minutes later, someone else stumbled in, and woke one of the girls in bed. 'Jake' was his name from the whisperings. Was afraid some coupling was in store, so I told him to shush, let them know I was awake. Found out today he's a bit of a wild child.

***

Breakfast and packing this morn, met James our tour guide, and about 30 others. About 2:1 girls to guys ratio. Two Welsh girls - Louise and Lachrissa, Jake the wild child (an Aussie), Norwegians, English, Danish... haven't everyone properly yet though. Bus journey was long - played cards with two Brits, entertained by Jake.

Boarded the boat, everyone chilled for a bit with beers. Boat stopped so we could jump off the side. Jumping from that height requires a 'don't think, just do' mentality - a moment of terror during freefall, then the elation of impact, and floating to the surface to be born again. One girl, a former diver, did a couple of backflips.

Kayaked a bit then, seeing a floating village and a big cave. Dinner next!

Day 71 - NB-Hanoi train

Met Tum in the lobby yesterday morning, and jumped on the back of his scooter. Not nearly as comfortable as the Easy Riders. Because the scooter is much smaller, any little shift in my weight is amplified, and affects Tum's balance. So I must sit rigidly still, quickly growing stiff, and with a numb bum. Riding my own scooter would've been preferable. It's no fun in traffic, but the majority of our day is spent taking shortcuts along causeways in the paddyfields, or through small clusters of houses.

The fields themselves are marvels of human labour - huge irrigation systems control the flow of water, and harvesting the rice is a community effort. Here and there the rice has been spread out on one half of the road to dry.

Rice drying on the road

We arrive at Cuc Phnong park, and Tum drops me at the starting point of one of the 'treks', a 6km loop through the jungle. I amble along the path, not another soul in sight. I scare myself silly once or twice when a leaf lands on my head, or a creeper grabs at my ankle. Spider-like insects with long spindly legs scuttle across the path. At one point, grasshoppers leap off the path ahead of me as I walk, jumping into the foliage on either side of the path to create a sort of firework or fountain effect.

The walk culminates with a towering 1,000 year old tree. I pause to contemplate it, and am joined by Andy, a Watford man, who is on the same loop. We finish it together, exchanging pleasant smalltalk.

Next point of interest is a prehistoric cave, where I meet Andy again. Exploring with our headlamps, we realise the cave is massive! So big that there is a set of steep stairs /within/ the cave, but the sheer size of it is awesome.

Vietnamese guys share some rice-cake with me at lunch (some of the nicest pho I've had in the north), then I have a tour of the Endangered Primate Rescue Centre. I am taken around the enclosures with three older American men, while our pregnant guide gently explains what each species is, and how many are left in Vietnam. One species only has seventy individuals. The centre works with monkeys seized from hunters, or abandoned pets. They aim to release them into the wild, first releasing them into the semi-wild of the park to see how they adapt to freedom.

I buy some postcards, but they are hesitant to take my 100,000VND note because there is a small indent on one edge. I use it as a donation instead.

Tum offers to take me to a local fishing village, but after bumping into and chatting to Marie-Anna (the Dutch girl from the first morning in NB), I ask him to bring me to the Mua Cave instead. Here there is a set of steps to the top of one of the jutting rocks, offering a magnificent view of the surround landscape.

On one side, I can see down into Tam Coc park, where rowing boats saunter through the wetlands. The skyline is defined by a row of jagged, rocky teeth, with further rows behind protruding through the haps. It reminds me of the Terenji in Mongolia.

One the other side, the rice fields sweep toward NB. Small fires are burning where people are disposing of the rice chaff (I think). The rock formations are like brooding alien masses, dropped from the sky. Here they remind me of the mesa in the USA, single towers dominating and dwarfing everything around them. If they were in Ireland, we would say they were left by giants.

Make our way back to NB then, passing (as we have all day) a few more necropolises (necropolii?). The Vietnamese worship their ancestors, so a family is usually buried on their own land, to protect it and help it prosper. It also keeps them close while working in the ricefields, for ease of access for worship and memory.

Another aspect is that the children can't sell the land. The tomb and coffin are usually built (or bought) before the actual death, so that those who are about to die can ensure an appropriate amount of money and grandeur are used.

Met Marie-Anna for a final beer before her train to Hué, and then some Internet admin - 9,000VND for 90min = win! Turns out my visa expires early next week, so I might need an extension to visit Halong Bay.