Day 89 - Bangkok

Got up relatively early yesterday, booked a flight to Bangkok for €140, was on my way to get a nice head massage when I run into Team Scotland, who are their way to ride some elephants. They invite me along, and I go. Tuk-tuk out to the site of the Tad Sae waterfall - they look so beautiful, almost appearing artificial. They line up three elephants. Kirsty, who has been asking to sit on the neck, is directed into the seat of the first. I'm next, and am placed on the neck of the second, with Linda behind me in the seat. Laurie and Karen share the seat of the third.

Team Scotland

It's unnerving rider Samtuk - I feel as though my hands are pushing down into her brain through her bristly skin, and with every step, I lurch from side to side, an inch away from falling off. Which I don't do, happily, even when going downhill. We amble through the jungle, just enjoying the sensation of being atop an elephant. The mahouts grab the compact cameras, and are soon snapping away like paparazzi on the ground.

I swap places with Linda, and we enter a shallow pool by the waterfalls. Kirsty's elephant splashes us with her trunk, before we are out and off. We feed them afterwards, their trunks seeking out the food before we can hand it to them. We have to keep it out of reach.

We relax by the waterfalls for a while, and myself and Kirsty take a short hike along the river - there's not much to see though. All the girls except Laurie take a dip, and I have no togs, and am wearing jeans. Darn. Return across the river and back to town, grabbing dinner by the Mekong (Namkhong in Lao). The sun is setting behind the town, but we don't have a view of it at all.

I pack my bags ready for the morning, and go online to sort out a hostel for Bangkok, and my Aussie visa (which is granted instantly). Skyped Nora and Katie yesterday. Meet the Scottish girls for a drink, and they are eating again. I must not have my normal appetite. Face still hurts, but I grab a beer anyway. Sit by the bonfire for a bit, chat to an English/RSA couple. Then we return to Utopia. I teach the girls how to play Arsehole, before time is called for curfew. Have a brief chat with the owner, who explains how he had to get the place shipshape when he took it over. It's down a series of back alleys, and so relies heavily on word of mouth to get clientèle in. Say goodbye to Team Scotland, asleep by midnight.

Up at 5.30 for tuk-tuk to airport. Share with two silent girls. Nowhere to buy water at terminal. Board plane and doze intermittently, iPod in. Land and get the train to the hostel. Climb into bed after a quick breakfast. Nap on and off from about midday 'til six. Wake myself up with my own snoring more than once, which is a first [and a second!]. Dinner in the hostel, then relaxing time.

Going to see a doctor in the morning if I'm not better, get some anti-biotics. Also meeting Niall tomorrow at some point, and Di and Tori are in town. And Debbie on Thursday. Just need lots of energy!

Day 87 - Luang Prabang

Sitting atop Mount Phu Si in the centre of town. Still sick, and face hurts like hell. V. peaceful up here thought, and the voices of children playing in the Khan river below carry up to me easily. Feels like I'm halfway between drunk and hungover, like I'm moving underwater. Thinking is perfunctory, speaking is mono-syllabic. I try to assess my situation objectively, decide I need to get to Bangkok as soon as possible, and rest up there. Maybe see an English-speaking doctor, ensure I don't have malaria. Normally my infections shift in 3-4 days. This has been day 5.

***

Found a new place for slightly more in Phonsavan. Can't work the shower. Nap for a while, then head out to a net café for a bit. I stay until it closes at 10pm, at which time I realise all the restaurants also close at 10pm. Dinner of Pringles. Better than Oreos I guess. Am absolutely freezing in bed, even put my hat on. Don't think Phonsavan has the tourist thing down pat yet.

Collect my rucksack from the Jars café in the morning, breakfast of chicken noodle soup before getting in the mini-van. The two Polish girls are there, same as the trip from VV to Phonsavan. I'm lucky enough to have a row to myself, and spend the journey stretched out in different positions, even have reclining seats! With my luxurious posture and my ridiculous sunglasses, I definitely felt like a privileged Westerner, driving past wooden huts with corrugated iron roofs and rusty satellite dishes.

Stop for lunch at a café with a view. The mountains in this part of Laos are of the same shape and colour as those at home, if a little grander in size. Maybe it's more the illness, but it makes me a bit homesick, particularly for a cycle around the hills.

When the mini-van arrives at LP, Team Scotland are at the station! Sound! Share a tuk-tuk to the nicer part of town, where I've splashed out on a double room in a nice guest-house. Take a much-needed shower, then meet themselves for dinner. Head to 'Utopia', a very laidback shish bar on the Khan river. I call it an early night, and the girls do likewise.

Didn't wake until lunch time today. The power is out all over town. Go for a wander and end up climbing Mount Phu Si/Chomsy Hill. So weak. Have to stop at the top for ten minutes, which is a nice break then back to bed. Then Internet and a late dinner. Then bed.

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Day 85 - Phonsavan

Sleep all the way indeed! I guess I was remembering the trip from Vientiane to VV. Minibus that time, comfy enough seat that I was dozing involuntarily a lot of the way. Any time I looked out of the window, there was so much dust in the air it was like driving through fog, or a sandstorm. This time I was packed into a minivan with a Dutch couple and a Swiss couple, obviously retirees, a Laotian who worked in mining near VV (copper), and two girls who didn't say anything the entire trip. Took a little over six hours, during which my face hurt on the inside from the sinus infection, and my head hurt on the outside - the roads were so potholed that I kept knocked my head against the window and roof.

At one point a jumping snake flickers across the road. The scenery consists of sheer limestone peaks, rising out of the landscape like craggy headstones. The valleys dip sharply beneath us, exposing the hinterland. Driving through the cloud layer is like something out of a dream, the mist clinging to the tips of the fir trees like so much candyfloss. Then the driver starts blaring Laotian pop music at us. Dream over.

***

Phonsavan is a dusty one-street town, on first impression. I hunt for a guesthouse with wifi in room, so I can Skype finally (I promised about five days ago). The Jar cafe's room is clean, so I take it. There is even a small balcony outside my room. I fall straight asleep, feverish. At one point the room is full of people. I wake about three hours later, escaping my hallucinations. I get dinner in a place called 'Craters' - tasteful. The wifi password is "BBQ chicken". I spend most of the meal with my head in my hands, hoping the soup will miraculously cure me.

I return to my room for more sleep, which is when I realise my 'balcony' is an outdoor access corridor. People run by frequently, and some stop to make phone calls. My window does not close. The walls on the other sides are made of thin wood. Have to add these to the list of things to check in future. Then the wifi stops working while I am mid-Skype home. This is definitely the worst room I've ever staying in. Text Nora and Andrea to let them know our Skyping must be postponed again. Gah! If I had any energy, I would change hostel now. But even the thought of getting out of bed is too much. I think my body is in control of my mind now. The noise from the street outside is also incredibly loud. iPod in, sleep fitfully.

***

Random memory: I only forgot once, while driving the scooter in Ninh Binh, that I should be on the right-hand side of the road. Only once!

***

About five minutes after writing the above, I get on my bicycle and cycle off down the left-hand side of the road. Doh! Felt a bit better this morning - face still hurts, and an effort to move, but at least I can think clearly. Grab some breakfast, and see if I can book a tour. Only one fully day here, want to make the most of it, even in my befuddled state. No luck as a single person, so rent the crappiest mountain bike I have ever seen.

The roads are consistently dusty, though not badly surfaced. MTBing for 10km isn't much fun. I realise that I am dreading the return journey, that is a sign that I am clearly not well. Find Site 1 of the Plain of Jars without much difficulty. It's exactly what it says on the tin - a few clearings littered with these giant stone jars. Some have been swallowed partially by the ground, others are split into two or more pieces. It's quite an alien landscape. There can't have been any practical purpose, water collection would've been better beside a house. The archaeologist in me says ritualistic, but sure what else is there?

Wander around for a bit - can't go exploring because there's still the risk of UXO - unexploded ordnance. During the Vietnam War, Laos won the title of most bombed country in the world. In what is referred to as the 'Secret War', the USA bombed eastern Laos heavily, in a attempt to sever the HCM trail. Craters dot the PoJ site, and red/white markers demarcate the safe zones. In various places around town, safety posters warn children of the danger of playing with UXO.

Collection of UXO in an agency in the town

Make my way back to town, and out to 'Mulberry Farm', which turns out to be a silk farm/factory. Having seen one in Vietnam, I opt to skip it, and find a new hotel instead. Lunch w/ hot lemon, then sleep. Think I've slept more in the last two days than the previous week.

Day 84 - Vang Vieng

Second day of tubing (22nd) was even more fun than the first, and probably one of the most fun days I've had the active trip! Got a tuk-tuk with Jay, the four Danish guys, the two Danish girls, and Diana and Tori. Had to say goodbye to Nat that morning. Me and Søren tried tuk-tuk surfing on the roof, Was completely in the mood for partying when we got there - only wearing my togs and a pair of purple sunglasses. Kicked off with Beer Pong, me and Diana keeping our 100% win record. Then one of the reps organised musical tubes - 3rd place for me, not bad! Found Team Scotland, and Team Chile - the guys who'd helped me home the previous day. All in all, bloody excellent day! Only downside was the compact getting wet. The dry bag only does its job if I'm sober enough to remember to seal it. Swam to the last bar, and didn't close it fully. Blast. Good excuse to get a new one in Singapore though!

Team Chile

Back to Q-Bar, where I became Jay for a while - wearing sunglasses in the dark, random women taking my top off. Last I saw of realy Jay, he was going to smoke opium with some locals.

Bumped into Cyril from Vientiane outside. Was talking to Linda for a bit, some German dude kept grabbing her ass, so I subtly inserted myself between them. Left her with Cyril and Tim to look after her, and said goodnight. She gave me a huge gug. Not sure how I managed to leave such an impression on her, maybe she was just drunk. Was really thirsty myself - couldn't hydrate fast enough.

***

Up early for kayaking yesterday - felt a bit out of it, blamed the hangover. Down to the tour office with 2L of water. The surly sales girl neglected to tell me we got complimentary water, and a dry bag! Could've brought my camera - I have so few photos (any?) of VV, except tubing. Saw a cave shrine first - the Elephant Cave - then went tubing through some limestone caves. Water was bloody nippy. Managed to lose my room key at some point.

Didn't really talk to anyone, except a Melbourne couple. Teamed up with a Polish girl for kayaking - Golosha (sp?). Descended some fairly gentle rapids, stopped off at one of the very last tubing bars - but of course, I had no money. Passed by Team Scotland as we got into VV. I confined myself to bed for two hours then, knew a sinus infection was incoming. Very weak when I woke, and so unmotivated to do anything, including getting up to get medicine or food. Risk of a vicious circle.

Managed to drag myself out of bed, met Diana and the Danish girls for an Indian, and saw Elliot and Naomi from Hué. Even though it's the dry season, there was an almighty rain storm, and the temperature plummeted. Not good for my health. Said bye to the girls, and to the Danish lads. Back to bed then, very restless. Had to towel myself off at one point I was sweating so much. Couple of solpadine (where is my paracetamol?) before the 7 hour bus journey to Phonsavan. Hope to sleep all the way.

Day 82 - Vang Vieng

Tubing - how do I describe it? A tuk-tuk ride to the river bank, a shot of whiskey there, and another on entering the bar. Team up with Diana for some beer pong, and we both win our first ever games!  After some funtimes there, and talking to the 11811 guys, move on to Bar Two. More whiskey, and a girl writes something on my back - "I suck and swallow", I think. Meet Niamh, and she spray paints my hair pink. Some others then paint my forehead, dangerously close to my eyes, but they are protective, and all is well. Met the Indian-Aussie from the bus - he's just arrived with his girlfriend, and they're both a little open-mouthedley stunned.

It's all a bit Spring Break/MTV/girls gone wild. Painted bodies on display, random dancing and pairing off. Beer Pong, shots of whiskey - everything is utterly hedonistic. Here are the true playboys - no responsibilities, except to not die in the river. I dive off the platform a few times, liberating adrenalin. Tori and I jump together at one point. At some stage I realise Diana has disappeared, along with my money in her dry bag. I use the giant swing to get out to the middle of the river, and swim to the next bar. Sit around the fire there for a while, singing. No sign of Diana.

Four Chilean guys take pity on me, and pay for my tuk-tuk. One of them and I climb onto the roof, until he tells us to get down in case of police. Go back to their hotel for a beer before heading into town. Meet the Scots, and then the Danes! Bit hazy after that. Think I got food, then slept. Waking up so early this morning.

Going to check out bus options, and some non-tubing activity for tomorrow. Then meet the Danes for another wild day.

Day 80 - Vientiane

Really need a detox day or two, and a solid night's sleep. Every morning my stomach's in bits, and I'm not well rested. This morning is very bad - a combo of cheap beer, vodka, and my chilli laced noodles last night. I'll be having some Immodium before the bus to VV later.

***

Woke up early yesterday, met Debbie and Adrian downstairs, and we made our way first to the Revolutionary Museum. The history of the founding of the Communist Party, the struggle for freedom - lots of portraits and random objects from people's houses: HCM's desk lamp, Nguyen's ink well, somebody's teacup. Bit odd really, but I suppose I'd be excited to see Michael Collins' favourite pen. Some propagandist art, and lots of references to the 'American Puppets' and the like. Last few rooms feature consumer products, which makes for an amusing contrast.

On to the history museum then, where they're trying to use up tickets, so everyone buys two tickets to enter. Bizarre. Museum is a little bland - prehistoric tools, lots of pottery, drums. The visit is quick, and rounded off with a cup of coffee before returning to the hostel for lunch. Say goodbye to Adrian, Lee and Debbie, but no Welsh girls. Taxi to the airport, and fly!

***

Arrive in Vientiane airport, and realise I've forgotten to pick up dollars for the visa, pay with my emergency kitty of Thai Baht. Must stock up on USD. Recongnise a guy from Hanoi, so we share a taxi. Cyril, French, living in San Fran, has been travelling for three years. Sounds like he's a bit of a dotcom millionaire. Also picked up Shannon, a Melbournian who's in Laos for a week to study forestry. She specialises in fire!

Followed Cyril to the Orchid guesthouse, and get a crap over-priced room with a fan. Met him for dinner, and he spoke about his work on RFIDs with HP, and his future work in enabling household devices to be remotely usable - smoke alarms that email or text on activation, etc. I got a random item from the menu, which turned out to be noodles with many, many chillies  Went for one beer afterwords, where a fight broke out outside.

One very drunk/stoned guy wanting a fight. His mate kept dragging him away, but he kept resisting, as his shirt went from ripped to gone. He disappeared then, but returned with a small knife, once more starting on a guy wearing glasses. Before he could do anything, three guys grabbed his head and arms. Glasses guy went to slam a chair over his head, but thankfully someone stopped him. Policeman appeared, and three soldiers, and one with an AK47. Suddenly he was sitting on the ground, handcuffed. Chances are he'll be deported.

Cyril got talking to two Laotians who were mostly Canadian. Incredible stories - they swam down the Mekong to escape the Communist regime. One aged eight, the other aged four on his parents' back. They invited us to The Future, a club full of Laotians. I brought two girls along too - Claire from Aberdeen, and Rachel from Reading. Left early enough with the girls - they went a little crazy outside around two wee kids - Claire telling the woman she was a mother so she could hold the baby. Made me uncomfortable with the drink on them. They invited me back to theirs for a joint, but I politely declined.

***

Woke up early this morning, out to see the sights of the city. It's a very European city - pedestrian crossings with lights and buttons, wide boulevards, and Western prices. Obviously all the government workers are well paid, and cause localised inflation. Visited Wat Si Saket, with its crumbling murals, climbed the Arc de Triomphe of Patuxai, and finished at Pha That Luang, a sacred stupa of national importance. Back for the bus, about four hours along some pretty badly surfaced roads, but saw an awesome sunset.

***

Vientiane turned into a non-quiet night, was hoping Vang Vieng could be instead. Off the bus, took a wander to find a hotel. Met an Irish girl called Niamh who recommended one place, but no dorms. First hostel was full. Second hostel charged more for a dorm than for a single, very odd. A French-leaning place caught my fancy - 13,000 kip for a room. Had initially thought that was €13, but realised it's actually €1.30. Has a fan, which is all that's needed really. Got talking to the owner on arrival, a French guy called Jeremy, already half-drunk at 7pm. He recommended Q-Bar and 'shrooms.

Grabbed dinner while watching Friends. It's so surreal - all the restaurants along the main strip show constant episodes of Friends. They resemble giant living rooms, hordes of people, sitting, half distracted, half zombified. Comfort television. Skype Nora, and make appointments with Andrea and Laura, but I am spotted from the street by a rather smashed Diana, who pounces on me. I interrupt the call, knowing that Nora would understand that real life takes precedence over Skype.

Came across Nat then, while on my way to remake my Skype calls. She's hanging with a guy called Willian who can't remember the name of his guesthouse, nor its location. D and Tori come by, and we head to Qbar. I meet Jay, Niamh, and the four Scottish girls from the bus - Kirsty, Karen, Laurie and Linda. Bump into Bobby (from Hué) as well.

Make friends with two Swiss girls - Francie and Tonya. They thought I might be Swiss too, and are from Basil. When the QBar closes, we all head to the Sunset Bar. The Swiss girls are more interested in the locals though, so I get chatting to a York couple - Karl and Amy - who are quite nice, though rather drunk. After a wee singsong around the fire, I decide to leave, coincidentally walking out at the same time as Team Swiss. Francie and I see a shooting star! Night!

More places I've stayed

Asia hotel, Battambang (http://www.asiahotelbattambang.com/)
Heartwood guesthouse, Phnom Penh
Saigon Backpackers, HCMC (http://saigonbackpackershostel.com/)
Austria House, Mui Ne (http://www.muinebackpackers.com/)
Xua Dalat, Dalat
Ai Nghia, Dalat
Long house (homestay), Lak
Eden Hotel, Buôn Ma Thuột
Hoang Thinh, Kon Tum
Nhà Khách, Kham Duc
Hoa Binh, Hoi An
Hué Backpackers, Hué (http://www.vietnambackpackerhostels.com/the-hostels/the-imperial-hue/)
Queen Mini, Ninh Binh
Hanoi Backpackers, Hanoi (http://www.vietnambackpackerhostels.com/the-hostels/downtown-hanoi/)
Castaway Island, Halong Bay
Intercontinental Westlake, Hanoi
Orchid Guesthouse, Ventiane
Chalenn Garden Guesthouse, Vang Vieng
Jar Café, Phonsavanh
?, Phonsavanh
Souk Lan Xang, Luang Prabang (http://souklanxang.weebly.com/)
@Hualampong, Bangkok (http://www.athualamphong.hostel.com/)
Saphai Pae, Bangkok (http://www.saphaipae.com/)
Inn Crowd, Singapore (http://www.the-inncrowd.com/)
Fernloft, Singapore (http://www.fernloft.com/index.php/fernloft-singapore-east-coast)